Lessons from Paradise

This is the first day of my life...
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go
And so I’d thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

—Conor Oberst

The pleasure of what we enjoy is lost by wanting more

—Chinese Proverb

Seven weeks in Central America and I think I’m ready to go home. It’s not that I’m homesick with this heavy burden on my heart, but instead a completely logical awareness to be amongst friends, family, and FAMILIARITY – familiar sounds really good.

Traveling is great – but tiring. One is constantly on the lookout and can never let their guard down; not just in a hazardous sense, but even for the basic necessities of life. We are NOMADS as we travel. Our home is wherever we happen to be; we have to find food, water, shelter, banks, and friends – love and communication, an important need to fulfill.

A picture taken on this day-Utila, Bay Islands, Honduras. Photo by Jonathan Dunn

Yes, I miss my own bed, my computer, and I really miss my music, but the thing I think I really miss is LAZINESS. Not laziness in the sense that I want to lie around all day and do nothing. I can do that, for a period, in between long – terribly long – bus rides. I’m talking about grabbing my cell phone and calling a friend to say, “Let’s go get a beer;” hopping in my car, driving to the bar, staying out with friends until 4 in the morning, and then being able to crash out on a friend’s couch. Or going to my mom’s house for a perfect dinner. I don’t have to go to an unknown restaurant, order something without knowing what I’m going to get, or drink something without knowing if it’s going to put me in the bathroom for the next week.

In both of these situations little effort is required, but the rewards are plentiful. Now don’t get me wrong, I like SPONTANEITY, new things and not knowing the end of the story… But every day living in this constant decision making process? And no these are not life or death situations, but just the same, they are tiring.

Everyday, I wake up and I walk out of whatever hostel or hotel I’m staying at there is nothing but the unknown before me. It’s like entering a hallway with 50 doors, going to 50 different places, trying 50 different things, or restaurants, to meet 50 different people. And when I make a decision and open one door there might be a volcano or a really hot girl or a fantastic restaurant but this time I turn around and there are 100 doors.

Alright I know what you’re thinking, “So your choices are: volcano, hot girl, or a great dinner; sounds good to me. This guy must be an idiot.” And ya it’s awesome but only for a time; then its time to get back to the familiar, where the outcome is just as good (ya, I love my life back at home that much) but it doesn’t seem so hard to achieve – all the time.

I love traveling, and I’m HOOKED for life. Right now I’m tying to decide where I want to go next, but only for a few months at a time. I don’t know how these people that have been traveling for years and years do it. Maybe this is harder because this is my first trip and next time it won’t be as challenging; I was completely unprepared for this trip.

Now to decide what to do for lunch and maybe someone to eat it with; what to do this afternoon to stay busy; whether or not I should check my bank account to see how much money I have left (actually, how much is missing); which restaurant I want to have dinner; and which bar I want to finish off the night. Usually the decisions are more challenging than this, but I’ve been in my current location for over a week and I’m starting to settle in. Now there’s a scary thought.

A selection taken from my journal on August 19th. During this time, I was on the island of Utila in the Bay Islands, Honduras with a killer ear infection waiting for Hurricane Dean to pass.

Making a Home

It's good having the whole family together again, and by that, of course, I mean the whole family with the exception of my dad; he has been gone for so long it seems as if he was never part of our family and in many ways he never was. (However, I still wish my dad was around.) In fact, this may actually be first time that it feels like I am part of a real family. Now that Kenny and Hannah are back in town it feels complete when we all gather for dinner:

Mom's in the kitchen slaving over an absolutely perfect dinner, even better than the one last night, or the night before that. She floats, gracefully, through the kitchen, dodging the wild animals and children, every move like an intricate dance set to the music of bedlam, to create something miraculous. She is making more than dinner, she is making a home. This is what she has been doing for many years now-the majority of her life. She does it because she is unselfish; living every day to keep and provide for her family. She does it because she is unfazed by her own needs and desires. She does it because she loves us.

At the the cluttered table, two sit as one–Cherith is sitting down at the table talking about her new reason to life, the new life inside of her. She fumbles through mail and magazines, seemingly unconcerned, but proud, of the burden that she carries. She has changed so much in these past few years and I see my mother in her; I see greatness. I ponder many things as I watch her... How can life seemingly begin from nowhere (as it seems)? How will this new life change this family?

On the couch, where he always is, unfazed by this chaotic house, he sits, watching TV. He is more than Cherith's husband now, he is Tom, he is my brother—far different than the brother I already have. Older and quiet, there is still so much I have yet to learn about this man. Seemingly, he came out of nowhere, but he loves my sister and I see the joy on his face as he plays with his son; he is proud of his family.

Busily, Kenny runs about the house doing errands for just about everyone. He does a better job than I ever did as the man of this house and it is good to have him around. I don’t know how we ever got by without him. He is my best friend, and I am happier with him back and surer of myself. He is frustrated with school, finding a new job, and a new home. He looks unhappy as the pressure builds to provide for his family; he does not realize how much he does for his family.

In mom's kitchen, Hannah is shuffling back and forth trying hard to keep up with an angel. She is pure and sweet and wonderful but still in training; she is smart though and a quick learner. My brother is lucky to have found such a wife; she is great among women and I have much respect for such a young woman.

Tasha seems to wander about this house unfazed by all of the life that is here and how much she is loved—how much she is spoiled. To me, she is still 10 years old and needs me to protect her. I don’t think she knows how much I love her and the joy she brings to my life. She can still make me laugh uncontrollably when she tickles me and all I can do to defend myself is run and lock myself in the bathroom. We are both still kids.

And now there is one more to this family, unable to sit for more than a moment, Dylan is missing again. It is hard to keep an eye on this innocent little explorer, so curious about this big world around him. Looks like he´s into something again, hardly innocent anymore. This beautiful little creation has so much wisdom—he seems to grasp the simplicity of life. I watch him closely and learn from his adventurous and joyful spirit, he is so young but sees life so clearly.

Me, I ´m content as I sit at the table quietly observing the greatest thing I have in life-my family. Not so long ago, I tried to create my own family, but all it created was turmoil and it's so distant now, it’s like it never happened at all. Maybe one day I will try again, but for now I will continue to admire and appreciate the family I have. I couldn’t imagine a better family... or a better life.

I take that back, mom’s calling us to the table again... it just got better!