Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Do You Know What You Are Getting Yourself Into?

Do you know what you are getting yourself into?

Matt Thiessen
The theme song for my trip.
I don't know how this one line got stuck in my head but it has remained for two months.


Own only what you can carry with you; know language, know countries, know people. Let your memory be your travel bag.

Alexander Solzhenitsyn




22 years of existence and all I have to show for it is a damn backpack, a bag full of everything that I don’t need. Most of it is unimportant, quite burdensome, yet I carry it mile after mile scared to leave it behind – it’s all I have. I also have this journal, full of the most monotonous days, shadowed by terrible ones, only to be followed by a single beautiful day, finally worth writing about.

4000 miles, across 7 borders, and countless road signs, bus stops, and pot holes, and for what? For an experience, or a journey? Do I dare call it a vacation? Do I do it so I have a tale to tell? But I won't tell a single story, no not a single word of what happened here. Ya, I'll send a few postcards and show them a couple of pics, but for what?

I just want go home. But when I get there, I will get sick of the blank walls and the familiar roads, then I will spend my days dreaming about leaving that place – and what my next adventure will be.

Why do I do it? Is it too hard to just be content with what I have? Why must I travel for miles and miles to see a mediocre sunset or a mountain that is hardly worth writing about, or to make another friend just to watch him walk away the next day? Another unpassionate kiss, a bland meal, on a back breaking bed with mosquitoes for sheets, and loneliness for a companion. I lie, I cheat, and I steal to make it through the day and down the road. I watch every corner and cautiously cross every street, suspect of every evil by-passer, with their empty pockets, stomachs and hearts; but they’re eyes, oh, their terrible eyes –bloodshot and full of lust.

To every corner of the earth I fear my selfish, untiring, and ruthless feet will carry me. I will never sleep. I will never stop. I will never die.

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Thursday, August 16, 2007

Lessons from Paradise

This is the first day of my life...
Now I don’t know where I am

I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go
And so I’d thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

Conor Oberst


The pleasure of what we enjoy is lost by wanting more

Chinese Proverb



Seven weeks in Central America and I think I’m ready to go home. It’s not that I’m homesick with this heavy burden on my heart, but instead a completely logical awareness to be amongst friends, family, and FAMILIARITY – familiar sounds really good.

Traveling is great – but tiring. One is constantly on the lookout and can never let their guard down; not just in a hazardous sense, but even for the basic necessities of life. We are NOMADS as we travel. Our home is wherever we happen to be; we have to find food, water, shelter, banks, and friends – love and communication, an important need to fulfill.

A picture taken on this day-Utila, Bay Islands, Honduras. Photo by Jonathan Dunn

Yes, I miss my own bed, my computer, and I really miss my music, but the thing I think I really miss is LAZINESS. Not laziness in the sense that I want to lie around all day and do nothing. I can do that, for a period, in between long – terribly long – bus rides. I’m talking about grabbing my cell phone and calling a friend to say, “Let’s go get a beer;” hopping in my car, driving to the bar, staying out with friends until 4 in the morning, and then being able to crash out on a friend’s couch. Or going to my mom’s house for a perfect dinner. I don’t have to go to an unknown restaurant, order something without knowing what I’m going to get, or drink something without knowing if it’s going to put me in the bathroom for the next week.

In both of these situations little effort is required, but the rewards are plentiful. Now don’t get me wrong, I like SPONTANEITY, new things and not knowing the end of the story… But every day living in this constant decision making process? And no these are not life or death situations, but just the same, they are tiring.

Everyday, I wake up and I walk out of whatever hostel or hotel I’m staying at there is nothing but the unknown before me. It’s like entering a hallway with 50 doors, going to 50 different places, trying 50 different things, or restaurants, to meet 50 different people. And when I make a decision and open one door there might be a volcano or a really hot girl or a fantastic restaurant but this time I turn around and there are 100 doors.

Alright I know what you’re thinking, “So your choices are: volcano, hot girl, or a great dinner; sounds good to me. This guy must be an idiot.” And ya it’s awesome but only for a time; then its time to get back to the familiar, where the outcome is just as good (ya, I love my life back at home that much) but it doesn’t seem so hard to achieve – all the time.

I love traveling, and I’m HOOKED for life. Right now I’m tying to decide where I want to go next, but only for a few months at a time. I don’t know how these people that have been traveling for years and years do it. Maybe this is harder because this is my first trip and next time it won’t be as challenging; I was completely unprepared for this trip.

Now to decide what to do for lunch and maybe someone to eat it with; what to do this afternoon to stay busy; whether or not I should check my bank account to see how much money I have left (actually, how much is missing); which restaurant I want to have dinner; and which bar I want to finish off the night. Usually the decisions are more challenging than this, but I’ve been in my current location for over a week and I’m starting to settle in. Now there’s a scary thought.


A selection taken from my journal on August 19th. During this time, I was on the island of Utila in the Bay Islands, Honduras with a killer ear infection waiting for Hurricane Dean to pass.

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